BUMPS IN THE ROAD: WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU HAVE MORE TO GIVE BUT ARE “TOO OLD” TO HAVE CHILDREN?
Some people don't consider it an issue anymore, but others can't help get upset over it. When our kids grow up, and we feel that we're not done with the idea of having children, there can be a lot of considerations, emotional and physical, that need discussing. If you are on the tail end of your thirties, or even older, there are more risks with having children. But also, there are those that may have conceived once, and that was a sheer miracle. But what about those mothers out there that feel that they still have more to give?
The Concerns Of Being Pregnant Later In Life
Due to modern science, and there are so many more options if you want to have children. The use of donor eggs is incredibly widespread now. But with this comes the emotional dilemmas. If someone was to donate an egg to you, and you then give birth to the child, in some ways, technically that child, even though you've grown it, doesn't bear your DNA. And this can be quite something that can take a while to get your head around. But ultimately, that child is yours, even though they may contain genetic markings of someone else.
But apart from this, when you are pregnant later in life, there are more complications regardless, and this means that healthcare professionals need to keep an eye on you closer. As a result, pregnancy can be even more stressful. Some people don't have easy pregnancies at the best of times, even during their 20's, and this is something that needs to be considered, especially if you didn't have an easy pregnancy before.
What Kind Of A Mother Are You Going To Be?
This may sound like a really stupid question, but if you decide to have children later in life, or you had a child 10 or 20 years ago, and feel that you're ready for another one, do you think you will learn from the mistakes you made before, or will you actually make new ones? This is quite a loaded question, and it can be something that can come with a lot of soul-searching. But, the great thing about being a parent before, and going through it again further down the line means that you are more mature, which means that you may not stress out about so many things, and this can result in a happier pregnancy, which turns into a healthy child, not to mention an incredibly nurtured one.
It's not uncommon for families to have children 10 or even 20 years apart nowadays, and the one main consideration that you need to think about is your own parental skills. And it's not just in terms of if you would be a better parent now, but are you physically able to do the things that you did 10 or 20 years ago? We all get older, and as such, those feeds in the middle of the night and the lack of sleep can feel a lot worse.
The Financial Stresses
A lot of people cannot afford to have their own home, and as such, the end up renting properties for the vast majority of their lives, and never having that idea of “home”. If you're someone that had a child and they've grown up, but now you are thinking about having another one, is it something that you can afford? Children are expensive at the best of times, but nowadays, this seems to be such a lot of pressure on the parents, with increasing prices, the cost of living going up again and again, as well as modern stresses, and it can seem like a very arduous journey to go through second time around.
Financially speaking, it's something you've got to sit down with your partner and go through, because you may feel that you endured a lot of financial hardship, especially with your first child, or even before you had children in the first place. And these things may be reason enough to not have a child again because it was so difficult before. And with inflation and those common issues, they have to be discussed.
What Is Your Gut Telling You?
We have to trust our instincts, and no matter how many financial concerns we have, or if it's not the right time, or if we feel our time has passed, if we feel that we’ve still got more to give as a mother, then we must follow this. Ultimately, there are so many of us out there that have adopted and taken in children from impoverished backgrounds. It doesn't necessarily have to be down the usual childbirth avenue. And when we want a child, and there's the thought that adopting a child doesn't make it feel like it's our own, let’s be clear: this is absolute nonsense!
Yes, there are certain legal issues that can arise, but if you love a child, and they love you back, they may have different genetics, or they may want to seek out their biological parents at some point, but this doesn't change the fact that you've raised them, and they love you because you are their parent. A lot of people can feel that being a parent is an exclusively biological duty. And for those people that want to have children later in life, the fact that there are so many children out there that end up in orphanages, or go through such terrible circumstances in their lives, but all they need is a loving family to take them in, why should you get preoccupied with the biological aspects? It's certainly food for thought.
We can definitely feel that time is not on our side, especially when it comes to children, because we may have missed our chance we feel we're too old. But if you get to a certain point in life where you feel it's time to have children again, as long as you know deep down that it's a challenge you could rise to, despite what your age is, then you are never “too old”.
Shop the Zyia Active Mothers Without Borders event to have your proceeds donated to helping orphaned children and local woman living in Zambia.
Don't forget to follow on social media to stay up to date on all the Mommy Wines happenings. Join the MW Podcast Facebook group for contests, giveaways, exclusive deals, promotions and wine mom chit chats! Make sure to Rate / Review wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.